Her hand in marriage
Patriarchy is a racket
“Be careful around Peter,” my parents told me.*
Perhaps they said more, but that is what my 16-year old mind retained.
It wasn’t until 6 years later that I found out why—the college student had asked if he could marry me, and my dad had said no.
My parents didn’t stop Peter from crossing the street to our house multiple times a week. Perhaps they assumed that my dad’s refusal was powerful enough to keep Peter from saying anything to me. And they were right.
Peter was probably 10 years older than me, but I appreciated his attention. Unlike the other young men who frequented our house, he seemed surprised and delighted by my intellect. He didn’t ask me to iron his shirts, like Ryan did. If I had offered to polish his shoes, he would have laughed. He assumed that I would go to college.
Dad considered Peter a minor inconvenience, not worth telling me about. Dad was there in the kitchen when another college student told me, “If I wasn’t dating Jackie, I’d totally date you!” I was 14. My dad just laughed.
Dad didn’t tell Peter no because I was too young; Peter just wasn’t good enough for my family. Plenty of men placed dibs on girls in my church with the expectation that they’d marry us once we turned 18. The senior pastor in my church turned his 7 daughters into bargaining chips. Years later, a friend told me that he had explicitly been offered one of the pastor’s daughters if he would pledge his loyalty and submission.
Peter passed away years ago. If I had married him, I would already be a widow. People would have expected me to return to my family and wait for my dad to select another husband.
Men in patriarchal communities pretend that they protect the women and children under their authority, but that’s nonsense. It’s not protection if you invent a problem and then tell people you’ll shield them from that problem for the small price of submission. That’s racketeering.
This is the world that Project 2025 imagines. I lived it.
Zero stars. Do not recommend.
*Not his real name.
It sure is a racket. "It’s not protection if you invent a problem and then tell people you’ll shield them from that problem for the small price of submission." This is so true. "You need men to protect you." "Protect us from who?" "From us!"
"It’s not protection if you invent a problem and then tell people you’ll shield them from that problem for the small price of submission. That’s racketeering."
A. R. Moxon said the same in relation to American gun culture, "I don’t think gun defenders fear shooters, or intruders, or looters. I think they depend on them. I think they fear a world without."
If your worth and identity as a man is dependent on being a protector, then it is also dependent on ensuring there is always something to protect from.