Sanctuary Trauma

and what churches should do about it

I delivered the following address at First Presbyterian Church in Potsdam, New York last September. I’ve lightly edited it simply because it was part of an invitation to an event that evening.

The word sanctuary is an interesting term. A sanctuary is a place of refuge and safety. In ages past, Greek and Roman temples and then Christian churches became places where fugitives could claim sanctuary and find safety. People who claimed sanctuary weren’t allowed to be harmed while they were in that space.

Growing up at Christian Fellowship Center, sanctuary referred to a tangible place. It was a large room where the chosen people would worship—the presence of God's Glory and Spirit in a physical location.

If you asked me as a child whether the sanctuary was a place of safety and refuge, I would have thought that was a very strange question. The physical sanctuary offered no actual sanctuary; it was a place of emotional manipulation and—on many occasions—the place I was dragged from to be “disciplined.”

I recently heard the term “sanctuary trauma” to describe the betrayal that happens after someone experiences trauma and takes refuge in a place they think is safe. Given my line of volunteer work, I assumed it referred to church abuse. I was incorrect.

The phrase “sanctuary trauma” was actually coined by Dr. Steven Silver in 1986 in his work with Vietnam veterans.

Silver says, "I use the term 'sanctuary trauma' to describe what occurs when an individual who experienced a severe stressor next encounters what was expected to be a supportive and protective environment and discovers the environment is not as imagined or expected."

Despite its origin in the treatment of veterans with PTSD, I believe it’s also an appropriate term for the trauma that church abuse survivors face.

Too many Christians experience horrific abuse in the church and, because they’re committed Christians, tell themselves that it’s just that one church. It was an unhealthy church, a cult, a high-control group, right? Other churches are safer.

And then those people flee to another church. Sometimes it’s a hasty retreat amid a crisis. Other times, people carefully seek out a church with good policies after experiencing trauma in the church. Instead of sanctuary, these people find church leaders who cannot care for them. These churches do not understand the dynamics of abuse and they are incredibly unsafe for wounded people.

Priests and pastors often treat traumatized survivors as a threat to the churches’ mission. When confronted with the fact that sanctuary trauma has occurred, no one wants to believe that it has happened. They deny or deflect. Surely, if pastors had sincere good intentions, then it’s the victims’ fault if the church failed them. In my life, I’ve seen it again and again and again.

People who experience sanctuary trauma in a church that seemed to offer safe harbor after their initial trauma often leave the church entirely. They realize that it’s not *just one church* — it’s the entire system that is rotten.

They ask, “is ANY church safe?” Once you realize the scope of the problem, it’s hard to try a third time. And many people don’t.

This is why it’s so, so important for churches to get it right. People come through your doors carrying all sorts of trauma and your calling is to be a sanctuary in the truest sense.

I will not pretend that this is easy work. It’s not. Creating safe places requires naming and recognizing evil, and that’s really uncomfortable. When I think of the adults who witnessed my abuse as a child and failed to protect me, my heart breaks for that young girl. Perhaps they made excuses like “it’s not that bad” or “there are no perfect parents.” No one pushed through their discomfort to confront my parents. But that’s why it continued to happen. No one spoke about it out loud.

Just as God became incarnate, give your thoughts and prayers flesh. Give your prayers feet and put them to work. Transform your thoughts into policies and laws.

As Rabbi Tarfon taught: "It is not your responsibility to finish the work [of perfecting the world], but you are not free to desist from it either." Ethics of the Fathers (Pirkei Avot) 2:16.

Let’s learn together so that we can recognize patterns of abuse. Let’s not look the other way when harm is suspected. Let’s do the hard work of being both uncomfortable and courageous when needed– especially when it is children who need it.

God calls us to love, and in the church that means taking action to make sure that our sanctuaries are actually sanctuaries, and that when they haven’t been, we honor that truth and work together to create the healing that is needed. Both for those individuals who have been harmed and for the church as a whole.